Self Sabotage

Let’s talk self sabotage, because this week, I’ve been alllllll about it. Yep. I’m about to get real with you sis.

Let me first preface this talk. I have an amazing life. I have a roof over my head, I earn an income, food in the fridge, Nespresso pods on deck, a pup who loves me, a fiance, friends, family. If you look at my instagram, it’s perfectly curated from the layout to the scheduled posts. And yet, I just had two full days of a pity party (& I don’t mean a party with pitbull puppies, because that would make me cry tears of joy).

I’m talking 2 days of no motivation, binge watching This Is Us into the late evenings, not eating for hours and then inhaling all the bad food we have left over from the holidays.

Last week, I was planning, goal setting, scheduling out every hour of my week so that I would make the most out of my time. And for the past two days I have either been hiding under the blankets, or opening 900 tabs on my computer because my thoughts are just as scattered.

Now, I have reasons for feeling like crap.. but I am not ready to share those yet. To be honest, I don’t even want to admit them out loud because in the big picture of things, they are tiny bumps. Which is the reason they are so damn frustrating. I know that with some work, these bumps will smooth out. But right now, it feels like I am stuck on a Ferris Wheel, round and round, up and down.

Then today, I woke up. After a good night sleep I decided I couldn’t do another day like that. I made a choice that I was going to work on changing my mood. And here is how the day went: wake up, put on a kick ass playlist, wash my face, brush my teeth, take my supplements, drink my water. Run outside with the pup. Come home, make a smoothie & get to work. I wrote out all the things I needed to accomplish today and I got started focusing on those tasks. Took a break for lunch where I ate a protein packed salad. Then I did something for myself, got a facial which was so overdue and wasn’t planned. Did it take up half of my “free spend” for the 2nd half of the month? Yep! Did it also make me feel better? Yep! I came home, drank some coffee, had a snack and got back to work. And you know what, my mood was better.

The things that were bothering me Sunday and Monday, they are still there. But now I have the attitude of “how can I fix this” instead of feeling like the universe is against me. I took care of myself, did some things for my body and my spirit which is something I think we forget about. It is as simple as feeding your body. Do you want to feel negative, start neglecting yourself. Do you want to feel positive, give your body some fuel in the form of self care.

My resolution this year was to be more intentional. I need to keep reminding myself of that word and remember that being intentional applies in all aspects of my life: work, relationships, health & self care. Look, I know that we are all going to have those days, but if you are intentional about your attitude, you can have less of those bad days. Slow down and listen to your body, sister. You will be rewarded for it.